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Frankreich muß leiden. The Times, Louisiana. Viel Spaß beim übersetzen. Tim Greening: Mon dieu! An angry Frenchman takes offense to our French bashing Tim Greening / The Times Posted on February 22, 2003 Dear American people, Or, as I would rather say it, listen up, you mullet-wearing Nelly worshippers! I am a citizen of France. I am not an official with zee French government, nor an official spokesman. I am just your average Joe Six-paquet. I am writing zis open letter to zee people of America to express my outrage over zee increase in French bashing by Americans. Yes, we have heard zee jokes. "A Frenchman on a battlefield is about as unnecessary as a men`s bathroom at a Lillith Fair show." "Going to war without zee French is like going deer hunting without an accordion." "How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? Nobody knows, it`s never been tried before." We are not laughing. Many blame zis increase in French bashing on our government`s refusal to support your president`s push for military action in Iraq. But we Frenchmen know zee real reason you hate us: Because we ingest wine, cheese, butter and cream sauces from zee moment we wake up to zee moment we go to bed and we never gain an ounce. Guilty, as charged. So take zat, you McRib-chomping Hummer jockeys! Stick zat in your Twinkie and deep fry it! My question is, "Why all zee anger about war with Iraq?" (Well, perhaps zee real question eez, "Why does my accent translate to zee printed page?") First of all, let me address zee misinformation that France is not ready for war. Of course, we are preparing for war - our white flag factories have been operating day and night. Really, our militaries have a great history as allies. We were integral in your victory against zee British to win your independence, and we helped you fend off zee British again in zee War of 1812. And zat alliance continues in zee modern era: In 1991, when American forces stormed zee deserts of Iraq to liberate Kuwait, we Frenchmen were behind you all zee way. But now, one little disagreement and you get all bent out of shape like zee Tom Clancy-reading Zima addicts zat you are. Well, I will explain to you tattoo-faced Bachelorette watchers why France opposes war. Do you realize zee expense of war? To participate in zis effort, France would have to deploy 30 tanks, 300 military transport vehicles, 10,000 soldiers and one shower. No, on second thought, we probably won`t need zee shower. Still, zat eez a very expensive undertaking! See, war has a very high price - in human life and in money. That is what gives us pause, not, as you imply, because we are not tough. And to prove to you we are tough, I have a warning for you gas-station-cappuccino-slurping Britney wannabes: We do have means of retaliation. We still have your precious Joe Millionaire. Zee people of France don`t share your fascination with zat Kangaroo Jack-loving mouth breather, and we will not hesitate to execute him if the French bashing doesn`t stop. So quit with zee jokes or it`s guillotine time. We`ll lop his empty head off, Rick-James-circa-1983 Jeri Curl haircut and all. Vive le France! Sincerely, Jean Q. Publique |
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| aus der Diskussion: | Guten Morgen Mr. Bush |
| Autor (Datum des Eintrages): | Joerver (23.02.03 18:21:03) |
| Beitrag: | 65 von 35,423 (ID:8702021) |
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