(-: in plain english :-) - 500 Beiträge pro Seite

[ZimtOchse]

A stock analyst and a Wall Street broker went to the races. The broker suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. The analyst was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the analyst.

"You are too theoretical," he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed: "I told you, I knew the secret!"
"What is your secret?" the analyst asked.
"It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine."
"But, three and five is eight," the analyst protested.
"I told you, you are too theoretical!" the broker replied, "Haven`t I just shown experimentally that my calculation is correct?!"

[ZimtOchse]

a little bit strange:

There`s this guy who`s in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he`s shopping around, answering ads in the newspaper, and not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner:

"This bike is beautiful! I`ll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape. "Well," says the seller, "it`s pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it`s going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you`re buying the bike I won`t need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

So the guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She`s ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend`s parents` house. It`s the first time he`s going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend`s arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don`t talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word. "Her Mom`s kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend`s Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.

Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it`s starting to rain. He figures he`d better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I`ll do the damn dishes."