George W. Bush`s Intelligence Qu - 500 Beiträge pro Seite

[Grena]

George W. Bush`s Intelligence Quiz

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they`re intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It`s me, ma`am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma`am. Thanks a lot. I`ll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he`d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What`s on your mind?"

"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It`s me, of course, you dumb ass."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It`s Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass, It`s Tony Blair!"

[HansderMeiser]

[chickenwing]

[Vangogo]

woher habt ihr diese lustigen bilder und witze ???

greetingx

[chickenwing]

[Grena]

First Draft of Bush`s Inaugural Address

My fellow Armenians,

As I stand here today, looking out over this magnificent viagra, I think we can agree that the past is over. Our country is ready for a fresh, bipolar approach.

I want to bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city, and each of us can get to the top if we set our feet to it Americans have made their decision. They don`t need sympathy; they need ablutions. We need to move beyond the petty armadilloes.

Politics doesn`t have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie higher. A high pie lets everyone put food on their family and their family on the table.

That`s my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing "Streets in Laredo".

(Music break)

A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his baseball team`s families, but of all American families. I don`t believe a president should be choosing who are the right Americans and who are the wrong Americans. All of us are together, white or wrong, black or right. Or perversely. That`s why my tax cut is as broad as we are. And it will give o ur expansion a timely second dose of wind.

(Zantac commercial)

I say there`s a cost to inaction. I haven`t done the acrobatics, but it`s probably around a trillion dollars. That`s a good round sum to offer to everyone, especially our seniors, who are the backache of our nation. I would like to take a moment to mention my mother, Barbara Bush, who taught me to read and write when I was still knee-high to a lawnmower. We need our seniors to be free to pass on their life`s work to those they love , and especially to pass on.

Thanks, Mom and Dad.

(Applause; tears)

We know that America is the best in the world. We are the great super-premium; we cannot afford to be unleaded. This is still a world of madmen and mental losses. And mental loss is easy to underestimate. We need a sharpened sword to light our way. To quote Ronald Reagan: "I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do something. And it must never run our lives."

(Exxon commercial).

The purpose of prosperity is to make sure the American dream touches every killing heart. Progress can be slow; you measure it in inches and feet, not miles or kilograms. Or cantilevers. I worked in Texas by common sense and plain dozing. I got on with small business, because I was one myself. I`m less now. But I`m also more. We are all less and more. More or less. And I believe we must match our compassionate hearts to our preservative minds.

I know you would rather be watching TV, and so would I, so I will draw to a confusion. My message is: I will get things done. I will inspire and untie. I will appeal to people`s better angles. I will prove that politics can be bigger than you ever thought possible. We will trust the people we serve, and serve the people we trust. Together, we can do what needs to be done to preserve this great bastard of freedom.

Thank you, and God help America.

[Grena]

Artificial Intelligence

A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.

"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"

She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson." The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?" She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that`s what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying "On The Road Again" when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attention to the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.

"Idiot!" she yelled and, from the radio, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

[Grena]

Famous Last Words

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a firing squad in a small Central American country. Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.

Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what he had just witnessed. Again before the order was given Al yelled out, "Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.

The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall. He was thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall." He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction he grinned from ear to ear and yelled, "Fire!"

[Grena]

The Texas Hillbilly

(Sing along to the tune of Beverly Hillbillies)

Come and listen to my story `bout a boy named Bush.
His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.
He drank like a fish while he drove all about.
But that didn`t matter `cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is.
Criminal record.
Cover-up.
Well, the first thing you know little Georgie goes to Yale.
He can`t spell his name but they never let him fail.
He spends all his time hangin` out with student folk.
And that`s when he learns how to snort a line of coke.
Blow, that is.
White gold.
Nose candy.
The next thing you know there`s a war in Vietnam.
Kin folks say, "George, stay at home with Mom."
Let the common people get maimed and scarred.
We`ll buy you a spot in the Texas Air Guard.
Cushy, that is.
Country clubs.
]

Nose candy.
Twenty years later George gets a little bored.
He trades in the booze, says that Jesus is his Lord.
He said, "Now the White House is the place I wanna be."
So he called his daddy`s friends and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is.
Falwell.
Jesse Helms.
Come November 7, the election ran late.
Kin folks said "Jeb, give the boy your state!"
"Don`t let those colored folks get into the polls."
So they put up barricades so they couldn`t punch their holes.
Chads, that is.
Duval County.
Miami-Dade.
Before the votes were counted five Supremes stepped in.
Told all the voters "Hey, we want George to win."
"Stop counting votes!" was their solemn invocation.
And that`s how George finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is.
Illegitimate.
No moral authority.
Y`all come vote now.
Ya hear?

[HansderMeiser]

[Grena]

Bush Solves a Puzzle

His closest advisors came to visit Dubya at the White House one evening and found him slamming down beers and whooping it up. They were astonished since he had given up drinking years ago. When asked why he was off the wagon, Dubya replied that he was celebrating finishing a jigsaw puzzle. They smiled and told him that wasn`t much of an accomplishment. "Ah, but you`re wrong. I did it in record time." When asked what that record was, he replied that he had finished it after only 6 months. Again, they told him that wasn`t that great. "Oh yeah?" said the commander in chief, "Well the box says 3-5 YEARS!"

[Eddy_Merckx]

ich weiss gar nicht was se immer mit dem bush wollen.


dümmer als der schröder wird er wohl kaum sein!