Microsoft patentiert Einsen und Nullen!!! - 500 Beiträge pro Seite

[moniac]

Schockierende Neuigkeiten ueber Microsoft:

Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeros

REDMOND, WA – In what CEO Bill Gates called ¡°an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors,¡± the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.
With the patent, Microsoft¡¯s rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeros and ones – the mathematical building blocks of all computer languages and programs - unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.
(¡¦)
¡°While Java is technically a complex system of algorithms used to create a platform-independent programming environment, it is at its core just a string of trillions of ones and zeros,¡± said Sun Microsystems CEO Scott McNealy, whose company created the Java programming environment used in many Internet applications. ¡°The licensing fees we¡¯d have to pay Microsoft every day would be approximately 327000 times the total net worth of this company.¡±
(¡¦)
¡°Because all integers and natural numbers derive from one and zero, Microsoft may, by extension, lay claim to ownership of all mathematics and logic systems, including Euclidian geometry, pulleys and levers, gravity and the basic Newtonian principles of motion, as well as the concepts of existence and nonexistence,¡± Yale University theoretical-mathematics professor J. Edmund Lattimore said. ¡°In other words pretty much everything.¡±
Lattimore added that the only mathematical constructs of which Microsoft may not be able to claim ownership are infinity and transcendental numbers like pi. Microsoft lawyers are expected to file liens in infinity and pi this week.
(¡¦)
¡°Think of this as a partnership,¡± Gates said. ¡°Like the ones and zeros of the binary code itself we must all work together to make the promise of the computer revolution a reality. As the world¡¯s richest, most powerful software company, Microsoft is number one. And you, the millions of consumers who use our products, are the zeros.




Also, wer es bis jetzt noch nicht bemerkt haben sollte: Dieser Artikel war ein Scherz . Auszugsweise abgetippt aus dem Buch The Onion¡¯s Finest News Reporting, einer Sammlung von Nonsens-Zeitungsartikeln des Satire-Magazins The Onion, erhaeltlich bei Amazon.com.

[WarrenFruehstuecksBuffet]

Ich schüttle mich vor Lachen!